Clueless Know-It-All

Obama

2008-11-04T23:29:00.000-05:00

And like the Lion King, tonight we have a new president-elect to be introduced to the world. Our little Simba is be celebrated!

Oprah was seen crying on someone's shoulder -- and it wasn't Stedman. Black churches could been seen rejoicing. And even the Reverand Jessie Jackson, Sr. was seen shedding a few tears. But it wasn't the Blacks who just celebrated. I saw the youth celebrate across college campuses from North to South, East to West. And Democrats were elated (well maybe not Hilary), at the sight of new Congressional controls.

So to the President-elect, the road ahead is long and difficult. We have pinned the hope of a generation on you. Godspeed!

New Friends and the Search for Love

2008-10-20T21:59:00.003-04:00

In the November 2008 issue of GQ magazine (yes I read it for the articles as much as straight men read Playboy for the provocative writing.), Devin Friedman, senior correspondent, composed an article titled "Will you be my black friend?". While the article deals with how racially heterogeneous our friends tend to be as we get older -- and in his case, all but two are white.

One part of lengthy article struck me the most:

"[I]t's hard for men to make new friends, period, as life proceeds and one is no longer 23 years old and no longer has roommates named Jay and Sean and Josh. All new friends come prepackaged. All new friends are couple friends. MattAndChloe, SethAndSusan, ElizabethAndMichael. I can't say exactly why. I have a theory that men get more bearlike as they age, increasingly taciturn, hairy, prone to long spells of slumber, prone to growly solitary rummaging. The man can get unsocialized as he ages...the more isolated he becomes, the more rarefied his world is, the more other humans seem to be accerlerating away from him...."

I'm now in my mid-life. I'm no longer attached to an academic institution nor have I taken a class outside of my gym. Most of the people I meet are through work and the significant others of people I already know; I rarely meet single friends of friends. I'm still single. And there is the rub!

How will I ever meet a single, eligible bachelor if I'm not into the bar scene or other seedy places the modern gay man meets other gay men for hook-ups and possibly more?

In fact an attached friend of mine and I got into this conversation the other day. He observed that I have a lot of friends who are couples. And it's true! Most of these guys, I've known since they were single. And through the years, they've slowly found the one -- gay or straight. Some have gotten married, others are engages, and a few have simply set up house together. And me, I'm single, and since finding the one has not been a priority, I'll probably continue so into the foreseeable future.

The question my audience is: Where does a single, eligible gay man who is not "ovulating" go to meet another single man if all his friends are attached or soon to be so? Discuss!

2008 Election -- What is at Stake?

2008-09-13T21:06:00.003-04:00

It's funny now that both Conventions are over, and well I don't feel that the election is in full swing yet. I've barely seen any coverage of Senator Joe Biden. The new cycle is still stuck on Governor Sarah Palin. Senator Barack Obama is still focused on dealing with her. And Senator John McCain is still toting her about like the latest handbag on a press junket for the next summer blockbuster. She wasn't allowed to speak to the media nor answer any questions from voters until she's properly drank the McCain punch. But when she did...the interview was a disaster.

All this hype has missed the mark about what this election is about.

Let me first begin by saying what this election is not about.

This election is not about race. We're not electing the first black President. This election is not about gender. We're not electing the first female Vice-President. This election is not about age. We are not looking at putting the older than dirt McCain into the presidency nor are we taking into account the Barack Obama youth (and whatever inexperience we associate with that).

The election is really about where America is going and who want want to lead us there. Ask yourself what you want the America of tomorrow to be like, and then decide.

For me, I want tomorrow to be better on all fronts.

The election is about the economy. Wall Street has run amok. (The current crisis smells of the S&L crisis kicked up a notch -- and Republicans were in charge the last time we had this problem.) NAFTA has sent jobs to Mexico. (I've known of many folks from farmers to factory workers who have seen their low skilled jobs moved to Mexico -- and no one seems to say "Made in Mexico" is a dirty word like "China".) Cost cuts have seen jobs outsourced to India. (When was the last time someone from India greeted you when you had a billing problem or needed help with your cell phone of computer? And even companies like 3M are outsourcing secretarial work like typing notes to India!) Who will bring the economy back on it's feet again?

The election is about restoring America's place on the international scene. We've made an ass of ourselves invading Iraq on false intelligence with a VP and a President who had some knowledge of this and misled the American people and Congress. We've made demands on North Korea. They've made a gesture back, but we didn't reciprocate and now Kim Jung-Il has gone into hiding with people suspecting that something big is going to come of it. We haven't been very good with Iran. And now this Russian crisis with Georgia. We need a President and a VP who can win folks over with diplomacy. McCain was diplomacy with Russia but Palin would go to war to defend Georgia. Barack and Biden are about diplomacy.

The election is about the environment. The price of oil has dropped to close to $100 a barrel as I write this posting. Our desire to use alternative energies my disappear as the price of oil retreats amid the strengthening of the US$ against the Euro. But really, we need to stop it with the dependency on oil and the drilling in Alaska. We may last another generation with that oil. But what we will be left with is a destructed nature preserve and no oil to last our grand children's lifetime. So why not reach for alternative solutions now? T. Boon Pickens had it right with wind. Hybrid cars have it right to use electricity to fuel our cars. And the abundance of solar -- don't even get me started. It's not a cheap alternative. But if we don't start now, a generation later, we're going to regret it. I want blue skies, clean air, and the change of seasons for my grandchildren. Give me the candidate that will preserve the Earth beyond their passing.

The election is about affordable health care for all-Americans. It is sad to see that most Americans remain employed in their job -- no matter their misery -- to maintain health care coverage. I have know members of my family who have taken on part-time jobs so they can get health care coverage from corporate America because insurance for small businesses are just not affordable. I have seen my parents avoid going to the doctor to treat an ailment because the cost of the visit is more than they can afford and the cost of the medication is just unaffordable. I have seen friends file for bankruptcy because they couldn't afford the copay after a major medical disaster. I have seen middle-America drive hundreds of miles to receive free medical care. We champion the human rights we afford our people in this country yet we cannot provide the very care that affords our citizens their dignity.

This election is about who will be added to the Supreme Court of the United States. The Court has now been swung much more to the right. The framers of the Constitution envisioned that individual liberties would evolve over time. Yet with this Court we saw limits to those civil liberties. The Constitution balances the interests of the individual against that of society and the government. This Court has put interests of private developers ahead of property rights. That is only the beginning. Over the course of the next 4 years issues such as gay marriages, environmental interests, race and college entrances, rights of investors against large IBs, and eminent domain may come before the Court. And if it has it's way, I fear we will take many steps backwards in this country's jurisprudence. And undoubtedly, abortion may find it's way back to the Court if we get two more conservative justices. Roe has in many ways been gutted over the years. The final nail in the coffin may be on the horizon.

Much is at stake in this election. When you close the curtain and select the next team for the Executive branch, you have to remember what this election is about. It is not whether we have a black man or a POW in the White House. It is not whether we have a hockey mom who has taken the 18 million cracks in the ceiling and broken through to the other side. It is about your future, my future, and the future of our grand children and their grand children.

Yes, Virginia...

2008-08-03T13:08:00.000-04:00

...you can find love through blogging.

I have read Chris since he first moved to NY. I have followed his falling in and out of love, his losing his job and finding a new one, and his illness that he so valiantly faced. This is not the first blogger he has dated, but this has been one that Chris has become happy with. This past weekend marks their one year anniversary. Congrats kiddos!

False Idols

2008-08-03T11:45:00.004-04:00

It has been months since I have written in these pages. Part of me has been busy. Part of me has somewhat lost interest in blogging (like so many blogs out there). But I do continue to follow certain blogs in a not-so-daily basis.

Over the course of the past week, a controversy has erupted in the blogosphere over a fraudulent blog that I used to visit religiously and linked to at right: Cooper's Corridor. Joe at Joe.My.God, Will at DesignerBlog, and Father Tony at Farmboyz have already written extensively about it as well as Kate over at SweetSalty (there is more in the comments section of each of these posts that merits reading for the interested). In a nutshell, Cooper is an apparition and a plagiarist.

There is no need for me to express my disappointment or feeling of hurt in these pages. I have already experienced that and moved on. What strikes me though is that Nicky had a legion of followers. And why is that? For me, he was the ideal gay man. He had a beautiful heart; he did not attend the requisite gay scene; he loved his job; he loved his adopted children; he was comfortable in his own skin. And his writing was beautiful (albeit, some of the inspiration and actual text was stolen from her).

Let there be Sight

2008-06-03T12:31:00.001-04:00

I finally decided to take the plunge and get this procedure to improve my vision. Here's to a smooth surgery and fast recovery.

Time was Unkind

2008-02-24T20:15:00.002-05:00

Today I randomly bumped into a fellow blogger I had met more than 4 years ago. At that point, he was a little hottie! He had the cutest tight little body; the most boyish face you could imagine; and a cute personality to boot. Today, he's got a gut bigger than mine, bags under his eyes, and lots of wrinkles everywhere. His hair is no longer funky cute. Man what happened?

We only exchanged some pleasantries and he went on his way. I have no idea what's changed in his life. I haven't followed his blog in a while. But I do know he has a really cute boyfriend.

At times like this, I'm thankful that I've always been on the slightly chunkier side. I mean it can't get any worse, right?

Return of the Lady

2008-02-21T21:58:00.004-05:00

A coworker of mine recently left the company because she just didn't feel that her job would lead her anywhere. And her future roles and responsibilities did not look to improve. She took the plunge, found a new job. The company has now hired her back with a big promotion. I think it's great that she came back. She's truly amazing!

However, I must ponder this idea of running a company. We don't always promote the deserving until they frustrate and leave. And when they do, we pay more to hire them back. And some where along the line, that person has lost some time and energy looking for work outside. I think Bloomberg had it right with his policy of not hiring people back, always paying to keep people happy.

Speechless

2008-02-19T22:11:00.000-05:00

I have lots of people visiting my blog from around the world, but alas, no comments. I wish people would comment.

Some come to me via search engines for strange things like "my wife has menopause" to "sexy older men" to searches for other blogs I link to. There are a number of people who come from blog directories. A few simply type in my URL -- making me think I have some loyal followers out there. But I don't know. No one has emailed or commented.

Will someone please speak up?

It's in the Stars!

2008-02-17T00:21:00.001-05:00

It's in the stars; I'm destined to be single! According to my astrologer, I've got a number of areas pertaining to career all lit up. But alas, no love.

Super Bowl Man

2008-02-06T21:57:00.000-05:00

I was invited to a friend's place to watch the Big Game on his new HDTV. I was initially a little reluctant to come as his crowd tends to be not so exciting. But I went. And boy am I glad I did!

The food was good. The crowd interesting -- mostly females, breeders, and a few homos for flavor. And one of those homos sat next to me, leaned over to say hi. He had the most beautiful blue eyes! Dazzling! I have a thing for hot eyes. He also had this nerdy cute demeanor as well. I was smitten. But I tried not to let it show all night. I mean I'm at a football game! I'm there for the game. And Eli does look hot!

Nerdy Blue Eyes was rather charming. I sort-of-liked him. But true to form, I didn't give him my number or my email. Rather, I called my friend and try to find the back-story on him. Well I don't like the background on him as much as I thought. He's a successful business executive. But he's very inflexible with his routine. He works hard, goes to the gym, and then makes time for other things. In a dating relationship, the gym will take precedence over the boyfriend. I'm not sure I can deal with that.

No Luck

2008-01-28T23:50:00.000-05:00

Over the holidays I met a really good guy online. He responded to an ad I had posted about looking for the one. He was so floored, he wrote a great response back.

We exchanged a few emails; then we exchanged our numbers and eventually spoke on the phone. Our first conversation was great. It lasted about 40 minutes. He seemed so engaged and we seem to see eye to eye on a number of things.

Our schedules didn't mesh, so we eventually arranged a date. I met him up in his neighborhood. We ate and spoke about various things. And at the end, he gave me a hug and said next time we'd meet in my hood for dinner.

A week passed, no call. I finally emailed him; we set up a date. Then he canceled because something came up with his friend. I haven't contacted him since. I assumed since he canceled that he'd call to set up a new date. It's been about 3 weeks; no call or emails.

I'm a little bit saddened. He seemed to be so interesting, engaging, and with a good head on his shoulders. And he seemed interested. Alas, he does not appear to be anymore. I had thought that going after an older guy I could avoid these head games. After all, they're experienced at dating, and chances are they are done with games. I stand corrected!

Sight of Grey

2008-01-25T23:47:00.000-05:00

I've discovered a gray hair! There it was -- my bedhead staring back at me while I washed my face. I wasn't sure, so on the glasses went, and sure enough, the gray was there.

No I did not pluck it out. I wore it with grace. And I'm soon to turn another milestone birthday. It is a sign that I'm getting older.

On The Ex, part ii

2008-01-23T01:39:00.000-05:00

Tonight, the ex called. He was caught in a relationship quandary: he just broke up with one guy and went back to dating someone else from his past; each offers something that he wants but neither offers all that he is looking for. What is a boy to do?

Conflicted, he wanted me to help him think through things. With the fresh ex, he connected on an emotional level. They could talk for hours and feed off each other in so many ways. But this guy has no desire to have a career, to move up in the world and be able to buy nice things. The new boyfriend (who incidentally is a former boyfriend) has his career in line, his head on straight, and really cares about him. If he were to ask, the guy would go to the ends of the Earth for him. But there is that spark that's missing.

My advice to him: move on. Neither is right for you. "Come back to me," I jokingly tell him. I know our relationship is never going to go back to what it once was, but still, it was something funny to offer him because I already embody all the things he wants. But somehow, it's just never going to work out between the two of us.

Vengence is Mine

2008-01-10T01:45:00.000-05:00

I recently got a call from a dear friend. Life has been a bit rough on him.

Six months ago, E broke up with his boyfriend. Their relationship had started to sour 6 months prior and well the boyfriend is a serial dater and had already migrated to greener pastures. No sooner than the weekend after they official broke up, the boyfriend (who had incidentally spent the past 6 months buffing up), instantly had a new guy. The new guy would move in days later.

E was very upset. His work was not going well. And how his personal life was no better. He hadn't made many friends outside of the relationship. So E focused all of his energy inwards. He hit the gym at least 5 days a week first focusing on losing body fat, then working his way through the other parts. He eventually worked up to running a marathon not too long ago. He looks fabulous now and is even starting to see new boys. He's bought a new condo. Things are just looking on the up and up for him.

I'm glad to see that he's channeled all this anger into something so positive for himself. Now if I can only channel all of my angst into going to the gym rather than coming home from work exhausted, I'd probably be much happier.

Happy New Year

2008-01-01T01:51:00.000-05:00

So this blog is now two years old.

I had started it initially when on New Years Day 2006, I found vodka frozen in my ice cube tray courtesy of my drunken, drugged out roommate who was literally drinking and pissing away his inheritance. It was my way of keeping track of my musing along the way -- he often made me laugh about how carefree his life was: eat, sleep, drink, fuck, snort, poop, peep.

In the two years, I've moved on. I've focused on my work. And that's about it. Am I any happier today than two years ago. No.

Truth be told, I'm feeling a little lonely this City of millions of people. I haven't connected as often with people as I've liked. No the City has not swallowed me and spit me back up. I consider myself one of the lucky ones. I've know so many people who have come here and not made either professionally or personally. I'd like to think that I've made it professionally. I'm at a point in my career where I can feel I can plateau and wait for a while. There is not another rung to be climbed -- more like mini steps to build.

On a personal note, I'm still single but I have a small core group of guys I hang out with and am content when I am with them. We keep ourselves entertained and engaged, and we've vacationed together. Would I be happier if I were dating? I'm not sure. I've seen so many relationships fail, I really don't want to participate in this losing battle.

What a downer of a thought for the New Year? Afterall, I am sitting here on the verge of a new year alone, avoiding the crowds and the drunken mess because I wanted to reflect for a minute what I want to do with my life.

There is so much to contemplate for the coming year. 1) Do I really want to go back for a masters? 2) Can I really focus on my body and my looks? 3) Do I want to leave NY? 4) Where will I end up next?

I've thought about school often lately. I fancy myself an academic, studying the theories of things that are and what may be. And often, I have seen myself teaching at the collegiate level. As they say, those who can do, and those who can't teach. But for me, I've done it. I think I'm tired now and I want to teach. But first, a masters is in order.

I've tried before trying to refocus on making my body more fit. It always fails. I always find excuses. But this year, I've earmarked money in my flex spending account to get a little skin resurfacing done, to get Lasik for my eyes, and perhaps, just perhaps a little lipo for the problem areas. That money is gone unless I spend it. Hopefully, it will give me the courage to go out there and do it.

When I moved to the City many years ago, it was supposed to be a temporary thing: to get NY out of the system. Years later, I've overstayed my intentions. The City has drawn me in like an addiction. There are so many things I love about NY, but there are so many that hate about it at the same time. Hate is such a strong word, but there are parts of the City experience that still makes me sick to my stomach. I want to move back.

But that now begs the question of where I want to be. Do I go back with my parents and start my own business? It is a leap of faith into total darkness. I have no idea what kind of business I want to be in nor if I can generate a stable income from that. I have often thought about the West Coast where I often feel more at home. But again, I'm not certain what type of job I would like to pursue there and for how long.

Oh so many things to think about in the coming months!

Referrals

2007-11-02T00:08:00.000-04:00

Lately, I've been getting a lot of referrals to the site via Google. And interesting enough, I'm the second result for the search string "older men blogspot" and "old men blogger" or some other variation of the above!

How? I've only written one posting on how I like older guys. I guess there are very few people writing about this topic online and yet the interest is there....I smell a new cottage industry. Perhaps we can have a magazine called Silver Fox Trappings?

The other interesting fact about all this is that people from all over the world are searching for this topic. I have folks from Poland, Canada, Chine, and the US.

If only these people would comment!

On Marriage

2007-10-26T23:40:00.000-04:00

Seal says his wife is his best friend, first and foremost. "There are certain things that you may take for granted with your spouse, but there are very few things that you really take for granted with your best friend," he says. "You never really want to let your best friend down. The fundamental thing that you have for your best friend is respect. That's why I view her first as my best friend…then my wife."
-Oprah Winfrey, 10/25/07 episode on Famous Couples

I think this succinctly explains why I have not focused the attention on finding "The ONE". I see lots of happy couples, and a part of me wants that for myself. However, in my family, 3 out of 4 marriages have failed. Those odds are worse than the last time I checked the national average is one in two.

Alas, I have a number of really good friends in my life. There are a number of guys I've vacationed with over the years. There are boys around the country with whom I have flown thousands of miles to visit for a long weekend. We connect in so many ways, but there is just no je ne sais pas. Don't get me wrong, each guy is sexy in his own way -- from the physical to the mental to the emotional. But nothing seems to happen. Perhaps they are not attracted to me. Perhaps I have too many barriers.

I wonder how many other people see their spouse as a friend first and as a spouse second?

Dumbledore is GAY!

2007-10-22T16:56:00.000-04:00

I was checking my yahoo account when I saw the headline flash by. I about died! JK Rowling decided to out Dumbledore -- one of the most powerful and respected wizards of all time.

I was first shocked. Then I became angry when I read how he was outed. JK was asked the question if Dumbledore ever finds true love. And she blurts out he's gay?

Are gay men not capable of finding true love?

Perhaps she should have stated that he did fall in love once with a man, and the love was not requited. That would have sufficed. Then we would have all gasped. And perhaps she would continue with all the other teachers at Hogwarts. What about Minerva? Snapes? Flitwick?

I'm a little upset.

In Youth and In Old Age

2007-08-12T00:58:00.001-04:00

Tonight, I went to see The Color Purple on Broadway. I had not read the book nor seen the movie version staring Oprah Winfrey. Needless to say, I did not know what to expect other than American Idol winner Fantasia belching out the soulful songs in the lead role.

The show was good. The thick accents were true to the era and at times hard to understand. The acting was great!

I was struck with a central message when I left. In youth, we strive to become what we think is the proper adult situation: success in your career, a happy marriage full of kids. And in old age, we tell everyone to just kiss off and do what makes us happy: pursuing a career because of happiness, having unconventional romantic relationships.

It got me to thinking.... Am I right? I've finally found work that I enjoy, albeit, I spend way too much time there. I've stopped pursing a romantic relationship in general; instead I surround myself with a few key friends and don't really pay attention to many others around me. I am nowhere near the age of a sage, but have I really stumbled upon something this important this early in my life?

Instant Gratification

2007-07-27T00:33:00.000-04:00

What is it about instant gratification these days?

I had a most chipper conversation with a friend on the phone today about dating, courtship, and sex.

Everything is so instant these days! It's about as cheap as ramen noodles.

I on the other hand prefer things to gestate. What happened to the days when you met someone, found him interesting, made an effort to get to know him, ask him out on a date, date him a while and some time later, finally have sex? Why does it have to be instant physical attraction, sex on a the first date, and then ask questions later?

This is the reason why 2 of my close friends are having the relationship problems they now face. The initial physical attraction was fierce. The sex was earth-shattering (or rather bed-breaking). But neither really got to know each other's core values. Each other's goals in life. And now both have suffered. They're emotionally empty. Broken. Miserable.

I'm not doing much better. I'm still single. But then again, I don't feel that I've wasted the past few months and years with someone that didn't work out.

Thoughts?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

2007-07-24T00:08:00.000-04:00

Finished! I picked up a copy of the book at 12:50am from Walmart. No lines. And it was only $17.99 plus tax. The cover price was $34.99.

Between Saturday morning and Monday night, I snucked in all the reading time I could afford -- in the car on trips to the stores, bathroom breaks.

The storyline was great! And it'll make a great movie! But please we need a better director than this last movie, the Order of the Phoenix. There were a few bits that could have been edited for repetition. There were lots of references to previous books that I could have done without. And there were more references to previous parts of the same book.

Overall, a good read; a fast read!

To Undo the Ex

2007-07-12T23:51:00.000-04:00

Many years ago, I met this guy. I was not particularly attracted to him -- he had none of the features I admire in a man: blue eyes, blond hair, nerdy air. NONE.

Over the course of the next few months, we went from being mentor/mentee to being acquaintances and then best friends. And somewhere along the line, I became attracted to his quirks, his strong jawline, his panache, his cooking. I had fallen for him for all the right reasons. Time would not fade our relationship nor add pesky wrinkles. Alas, he was not out. He was not yet comfortable with himself, and certainly the idea of dating his best friend was too scary. We continued as friends, but grew increasingly more intimate. It was like a high school relationship: each coyly learning about the other's intimate side.

And then it all ended. It was not working for me nor him. We were in different places emotionally. I wanted a steady boyfriend and settle in on couple-dom. He wanted someone to show him the world and let him take detours. I was not Aladdin, and he was not the princess.

Fast forward 5 years later. We have found our way back to each other as best friends. We giggle about odd things. I still flirt with him in the most inappropriate ways at the most inane of places. We don't live in the same city anymore. We visit each other when the opportunity presents itself. We stay with each other and share a bed. And I tease him about the relationship that could have been. He could have been my Mrs and stayed at home to take care of the cooking and cleaning, and the children (all his most favorite chores).

The question is, would our relationship be better now if we got back together. Never mind the logistics of not living in the same state. But what if?

Older Men

2007-07-03T01:33:00.000-04:00

I have a thing for guys with gray hair -- just a little silver fox sliver, or the salt and pepper effect.

During the Pride Dance last week, I bumped into a guy that had the most beautiful, kind eyes, and the best salt and pepper hair. And his body, still buff!

I have to confess, I have a thing for older men. For me, it's the maturity first. I've already experienced coming out, coming to terms with being gay, and growing up in general. When I meet a man, I want him to have already go through all of that, and be mature enough to enjoy life for it's many splendid surprises. Granted, age is not the determining factor in this maturity -- I know men who are just coming out at age 40 after having been married with kids!

As geeky as it may sound, I want to date a classic liberal arts professor. He's interested in the world around him and often wonders what-if, what-may, what-was. He engages his surroundings with passion. He sees one thing and is inspired to do something about another.

Here's to finding him before too long.

When You're Hot!

2007-07-01T01:31:00.000-04:00

Seriously! I just got another raise and a small promotion.

Those of you who have been reading my blog loyally, know that my career has had it's share of roller coaster dramas. I've nearly quit. I've nearly been run out of the company. And now, I'm back, bigger, stronger, and with more pay.