Clueless Know-It-All

Obama

2008-11-04T23:29:00.000-05:00

And like the Lion King, tonight we have a new president-elect to be introduced to the world. Our little Simba is be celebrated!

Oprah was seen crying on someone's shoulder -- and it wasn't Stedman. Black churches could been seen rejoicing. And even the Reverand Jessie Jackson, Sr. was seen shedding a few tears. But it wasn't the Blacks who just celebrated. I saw the youth celebrate across college campuses from North to South, East to West. And Democrats were elated (well maybe not Hilary), at the sight of new Congressional controls.

So to the President-elect, the road ahead is long and difficult. We have pinned the hope of a generation on you. Godspeed!

New Friends and the Search for Love

2008-10-20T21:59:00.003-04:00

In the November 2008 issue of GQ magazine (yes I read it for the articles as much as straight men read Playboy for the provocative writing.), Devin Friedman, senior correspondent, composed an article titled "Will you be my black friend?". While the article deals with how racially heterogeneous our friends tend to be as we get older -- and in his case, all but two are white.

One part of lengthy article struck me the most:

"[I]t's hard for men to make new friends, period, as life proceeds and one is no longer 23 years old and no longer has roommates named Jay and Sean and Josh. All new friends come prepackaged. All new friends are couple friends. MattAndChloe, SethAndSusan, ElizabethAndMichael. I can't say exactly why. I have a theory that men get more bearlike as they age, increasingly taciturn, hairy, prone to long spells of slumber, prone to growly solitary rummaging. The man can get unsocialized as he ages...the more isolated he becomes, the more rarefied his world is, the more other humans seem to be accerlerating away from him...."

I'm now in my mid-life. I'm no longer attached to an academic institution nor have I taken a class outside of my gym. Most of the people I meet are through work and the significant others of people I already know; I rarely meet single friends of friends. I'm still single. And there is the rub!

How will I ever meet a single, eligible bachelor if I'm not into the bar scene or other seedy places the modern gay man meets other gay men for hook-ups and possibly more?

In fact an attached friend of mine and I got into this conversation the other day. He observed that I have a lot of friends who are couples. And it's true! Most of these guys, I've known since they were single. And through the years, they've slowly found the one -- gay or straight. Some have gotten married, others are engages, and a few have simply set up house together. And me, I'm single, and since finding the one has not been a priority, I'll probably continue so into the foreseeable future.

The question my audience is: Where does a single, eligible gay man who is not "ovulating" go to meet another single man if all his friends are attached or soon to be so? Discuss!

2008 Election -- What is at Stake?

2008-09-13T21:06:00.003-04:00

It's funny now that both Conventions are over, and well I don't feel that the election is in full swing yet. I've barely seen any coverage of Senator Joe Biden. The new cycle is still stuck on Governor Sarah Palin. Senator Barack Obama is still focused on dealing with her. And Senator John McCain is still toting her about like the latest handbag on a press junket for the next summer blockbuster. She wasn't allowed to speak to the media nor answer any questions from voters until she's properly drank the McCain punch. But when she did...the interview was a disaster.

All this hype has missed the mark about what this election is about.

Let me first begin by saying what this election is not about.

This election is not about race. We're not electing the first black President. This election is not about gender. We're not electing the first female Vice-President. This election is not about age. We are not looking at putting the older than dirt McCain into the presidency nor are we taking into account the Barack Obama youth (and whatever inexperience we associate with that).

The election is really about where America is going and who want want to lead us there. Ask yourself what you want the America of tomorrow to be like, and then decide.

For me, I want tomorrow to be better on all fronts.

The election is about the economy. Wall Street has run amok. (The current crisis smells of the S&L crisis kicked up a notch -- and Republicans were in charge the last time we had this problem.) NAFTA has sent jobs to Mexico. (I've known of many folks from farmers to factory workers who have seen their low skilled jobs moved to Mexico -- and no one seems to say "Made in Mexico" is a dirty word like "China".) Cost cuts have seen jobs outsourced to India. (When was the last time someone from India greeted you when you had a billing problem or needed help with your cell phone of computer? And even companies like 3M are outsourcing secretarial work like typing notes to India!) Who will bring the economy back on it's feet again?

The election is about restoring America's place on the international scene. We've made an ass of ourselves invading Iraq on false intelligence with a VP and a President who had some knowledge of this and misled the American people and Congress. We've made demands on North Korea. They've made a gesture back, but we didn't reciprocate and now Kim Jung-Il has gone into hiding with people suspecting that something big is going to come of it. We haven't been very good with Iran. And now this Russian crisis with Georgia. We need a President and a VP who can win folks over with diplomacy. McCain was diplomacy with Russia but Palin would go to war to defend Georgia. Barack and Biden are about diplomacy.

The election is about the environment. The price of oil has dropped to close to $100 a barrel as I write this posting. Our desire to use alternative energies my disappear as the price of oil retreats amid the strengthening of the US$ against the Euro. But really, we need to stop it with the dependency on oil and the drilling in Alaska. We may last another generation with that oil. But what we will be left with is a destructed nature preserve and no oil to last our grand children's lifetime. So why not reach for alternative solutions now? T. Boon Pickens had it right with wind. Hybrid cars have it right to use electricity to fuel our cars. And the abundance of solar -- don't even get me started. It's not a cheap alternative. But if we don't start now, a generation later, we're going to regret it. I want blue skies, clean air, and the change of seasons for my grandchildren. Give me the candidate that will preserve the Earth beyond their passing.

The election is about affordable health care for all-Americans. It is sad to see that most Americans remain employed in their job -- no matter their misery -- to maintain health care coverage. I have know members of my family who have taken on part-time jobs so they can get health care coverage from corporate America because insurance for small businesses are just not affordable. I have seen my parents avoid going to the doctor to treat an ailment because the cost of the visit is more than they can afford and the cost of the medication is just unaffordable. I have seen friends file for bankruptcy because they couldn't afford the copay after a major medical disaster. I have seen middle-America drive hundreds of miles to receive free medical care. We champion the human rights we afford our people in this country yet we cannot provide the very care that affords our citizens their dignity.

This election is about who will be added to the Supreme Court of the United States. The Court has now been swung much more to the right. The framers of the Constitution envisioned that individual liberties would evolve over time. Yet with this Court we saw limits to those civil liberties. The Constitution balances the interests of the individual against that of society and the government. This Court has put interests of private developers ahead of property rights. That is only the beginning. Over the course of the next 4 years issues such as gay marriages, environmental interests, race and college entrances, rights of investors against large IBs, and eminent domain may come before the Court. And if it has it's way, I fear we will take many steps backwards in this country's jurisprudence. And undoubtedly, abortion may find it's way back to the Court if we get two more conservative justices. Roe has in many ways been gutted over the years. The final nail in the coffin may be on the horizon.

Much is at stake in this election. When you close the curtain and select the next team for the Executive branch, you have to remember what this election is about. It is not whether we have a black man or a POW in the White House. It is not whether we have a hockey mom who has taken the 18 million cracks in the ceiling and broken through to the other side. It is about your future, my future, and the future of our grand children and their grand children.

Yes, Virginia...

2008-08-03T13:08:00.000-04:00

...you can find love through blogging.

I have read Chris since he first moved to NY. I have followed his falling in and out of love, his losing his job and finding a new one, and his illness that he so valiantly faced. This is not the first blogger he has dated, but this has been one that Chris has become happy with. This past weekend marks their one year anniversary. Congrats kiddos!

False Idols

2008-08-03T11:45:00.004-04:00

It has been months since I have written in these pages. Part of me has been busy. Part of me has somewhat lost interest in blogging (like so many blogs out there). But I do continue to follow certain blogs in a not-so-daily basis.

Over the course of the past week, a controversy has erupted in the blogosphere over a fraudulent blog that I used to visit religiously and linked to at right: Cooper's Corridor. Joe at Joe.My.God, Will at DesignerBlog, and Father Tony at Farmboyz have already written extensively about it as well as Kate over at SweetSalty (there is more in the comments section of each of these posts that merits reading for the interested). In a nutshell, Cooper is an apparition and a plagiarist.

There is no need for me to express my disappointment or feeling of hurt in these pages. I have already experienced that and moved on. What strikes me though is that Nicky had a legion of followers. And why is that? For me, he was the ideal gay man. He had a beautiful heart; he did not attend the requisite gay scene; he loved his job; he loved his adopted children; he was comfortable in his own skin. And his writing was beautiful (albeit, some of the inspiration and actual text was stolen from her).

Let there be Sight

2008-06-03T12:31:00.001-04:00

I finally decided to take the plunge and get this procedure to improve my vision. Here's to a smooth surgery and fast recovery.

Time was Unkind

2008-02-24T20:15:00.002-05:00

Today I randomly bumped into a fellow blogger I had met more than 4 years ago. At that point, he was a little hottie! He had the cutest tight little body; the most boyish face you could imagine; and a cute personality to boot. Today, he's got a gut bigger than mine, bags under his eyes, and lots of wrinkles everywhere. His hair is no longer funky cute. Man what happened?

We only exchanged some pleasantries and he went on his way. I have no idea what's changed in his life. I haven't followed his blog in a while. But I do know he has a really cute boyfriend.

At times like this, I'm thankful that I've always been on the slightly chunkier side. I mean it can't get any worse, right?

Return of the Lady

2008-02-21T21:58:00.004-05:00

A coworker of mine recently left the company because she just didn't feel that her job would lead her anywhere. And her future roles and responsibilities did not look to improve. She took the plunge, found a new job. The company has now hired her back with a big promotion. I think it's great that she came back. She's truly amazing!

However, I must ponder this idea of running a company. We don't always promote the deserving until they frustrate and leave. And when they do, we pay more to hire them back. And some where along the line, that person has lost some time and energy looking for work outside. I think Bloomberg had it right with his policy of not hiring people back, always paying to keep people happy.

Speechless

2008-02-19T22:11:00.000-05:00

I have lots of people visiting my blog from around the world, but alas, no comments. I wish people would comment.

Some come to me via search engines for strange things like "my wife has menopause" to "sexy older men" to searches for other blogs I link to. There are a number of people who come from blog directories. A few simply type in my URL -- making me think I have some loyal followers out there. But I don't know. No one has emailed or commented.

Will someone please speak up?

It's in the Stars!

2008-02-17T00:21:00.001-05:00

It's in the stars; I'm destined to be single! According to my astrologer, I've got a number of areas pertaining to career all lit up. But alas, no love.

Super Bowl Man

2008-02-06T21:57:00.000-05:00

I was invited to a friend's place to watch the Big Game on his new HDTV. I was initially a little reluctant to come as his crowd tends to be not so exciting. But I went. And boy am I glad I did!

The food was good. The crowd interesting -- mostly females, breeders, and a few homos for flavor. And one of those homos sat next to me, leaned over to say hi. He had the most beautiful blue eyes! Dazzling! I have a thing for hot eyes. He also had this nerdy cute demeanor as well. I was smitten. But I tried not to let it show all night. I mean I'm at a football game! I'm there for the game. And Eli does look hot!

Nerdy Blue Eyes was rather charming. I sort-of-liked him. But true to form, I didn't give him my number or my email. Rather, I called my friend and try to find the back-story on him. Well I don't like the background on him as much as I thought. He's a successful business executive. But he's very inflexible with his routine. He works hard, goes to the gym, and then makes time for other things. In a dating relationship, the gym will take precedence over the boyfriend. I'm not sure I can deal with that.

No Luck

2008-01-28T23:50:00.000-05:00

Over the holidays I met a really good guy online. He responded to an ad I had posted about looking for the one. He was so floored, he wrote a great response back.

We exchanged a few emails; then we exchanged our numbers and eventually spoke on the phone. Our first conversation was great. It lasted about 40 minutes. He seemed so engaged and we seem to see eye to eye on a number of things.

Our schedules didn't mesh, so we eventually arranged a date. I met him up in his neighborhood. We ate and spoke about various things. And at the end, he gave me a hug and said next time we'd meet in my hood for dinner.

A week passed, no call. I finally emailed him; we set up a date. Then he canceled because something came up with his friend. I haven't contacted him since. I assumed since he canceled that he'd call to set up a new date. It's been about 3 weeks; no call or emails.

I'm a little bit saddened. He seemed to be so interesting, engaging, and with a good head on his shoulders. And he seemed interested. Alas, he does not appear to be anymore. I had thought that going after an older guy I could avoid these head games. After all, they're experienced at dating, and chances are they are done with games. I stand corrected!

Sight of Grey

2008-01-25T23:47:00.000-05:00

I've discovered a gray hair! There it was -- my bedhead staring back at me while I washed my face. I wasn't sure, so on the glasses went, and sure enough, the gray was there.

No I did not pluck it out. I wore it with grace. And I'm soon to turn another milestone birthday. It is a sign that I'm getting older.

On The Ex, part ii

2008-01-23T01:39:00.000-05:00

Tonight, the ex called. He was caught in a relationship quandary: he just broke up with one guy and went back to dating someone else from his past; each offers something that he wants but neither offers all that he is looking for. What is a boy to do?

Conflicted, he wanted me to help him think through things. With the fresh ex, he connected on an emotional level. They could talk for hours and feed off each other in so many ways. But this guy has no desire to have a career, to move up in the world and be able to buy nice things. The new boyfriend (who incidentally is a former boyfriend) has his career in line, his head on straight, and really cares about him. If he were to ask, the guy would go to the ends of the Earth for him. But there is that spark that's missing.

My advice to him: move on. Neither is right for you. "Come back to me," I jokingly tell him. I know our relationship is never going to go back to what it once was, but still, it was something funny to offer him because I already embody all the things he wants. But somehow, it's just never going to work out between the two of us.

Vengence is Mine

2008-01-10T01:45:00.000-05:00

I recently got a call from a dear friend. Life has been a bit rough on him.

Six months ago, E broke up with his boyfriend. Their relationship had started to sour 6 months prior and well the boyfriend is a serial dater and had already migrated to greener pastures. No sooner than the weekend after they official broke up, the boyfriend (who had incidentally spent the past 6 months buffing up), instantly had a new guy. The new guy would move in days later.

E was very upset. His work was not going well. And how his personal life was no better. He hadn't made many friends outside of the relationship. So E focused all of his energy inwards. He hit the gym at least 5 days a week first focusing on losing body fat, then working his way through the other parts. He eventually worked up to running a marathon not too long ago. He looks fabulous now and is even starting to see new boys. He's bought a new condo. Things are just looking on the up and up for him.

I'm glad to see that he's channeled all this anger into something so positive for himself. Now if I can only channel all of my angst into going to the gym rather than coming home from work exhausted, I'd probably be much happier.

Happy New Year

2008-01-01T01:51:00.000-05:00

So this blog is now two years old.

I had started it initially when on New Years Day 2006, I found vodka frozen in my ice cube tray courtesy of my drunken, drugged out roommate who was literally drinking and pissing away his inheritance. It was my way of keeping track of my musing along the way -- he often made me laugh about how carefree his life was: eat, sleep, drink, fuck, snort, poop, peep.

In the two years, I've moved on. I've focused on my work. And that's about it. Am I any happier today than two years ago. No.

Truth be told, I'm feeling a little lonely this City of millions of people. I haven't connected as often with people as I've liked. No the City has not swallowed me and spit me back up. I consider myself one of the lucky ones. I've know so many people who have come here and not made either professionally or personally. I'd like to think that I've made it professionally. I'm at a point in my career where I can feel I can plateau and wait for a while. There is not another rung to be climbed -- more like mini steps to build.

On a personal note, I'm still single but I have a small core group of guys I hang out with and am content when I am with them. We keep ourselves entertained and engaged, and we've vacationed together. Would I be happier if I were dating? I'm not sure. I've seen so many relationships fail, I really don't want to participate in this losing battle.

What a downer of a thought for the New Year? Afterall, I am sitting here on the verge of a new year alone, avoiding the crowds and the drunken mess because I wanted to reflect for a minute what I want to do with my life.

There is so much to contemplate for the coming year. 1) Do I really want to go back for a masters? 2) Can I really focus on my body and my looks? 3) Do I want to leave NY? 4) Where will I end up next?

I've thought about school often lately. I fancy myself an academic, studying the theories of things that are and what may be. And often, I have seen myself teaching at the collegiate level. As they say, those who can do, and those who can't teach. But for me, I've done it. I think I'm tired now and I want to teach. But first, a masters is in order.

I've tried before trying to refocus on making my body more fit. It always fails. I always find excuses. But this year, I've earmarked money in my flex spending account to get a little skin resurfacing done, to get Lasik for my eyes, and perhaps, just perhaps a little lipo for the problem areas. That money is gone unless I spend it. Hopefully, it will give me the courage to go out there and do it.

When I moved to the City many years ago, it was supposed to be a temporary thing: to get NY out of the system. Years later, I've overstayed my intentions. The City has drawn me in like an addiction. There are so many things I love about NY, but there are so many that hate about it at the same time. Hate is such a strong word, but there are parts of the City experience that still makes me sick to my stomach. I want to move back.

But that now begs the question of where I want to be. Do I go back with my parents and start my own business? It is a leap of faith into total darkness. I have no idea what kind of business I want to be in nor if I can generate a stable income from that. I have often thought about the West Coast where I often feel more at home. But again, I'm not certain what type of job I would like to pursue there and for how long.

Oh so many things to think about in the coming months!

Referrals

2007-11-02T00:08:00.000-04:00

Lately, I've been getting a lot of referrals to the site via Google. And interesting enough, I'm the second result for the search string "older men blogspot" and "old men blogger" or some other variation of the above!

How? I've only written one posting on how I like older guys. I guess there are very few people writing about this topic online and yet the interest is there....I smell a new cottage industry. Perhaps we can have a magazine called Silver Fox Trappings?

The other interesting fact about all this is that people from all over the world are searching for this topic. I have folks from Poland, Canada, Chine, and the US.

If only these people would comment!

On Marriage

2007-10-26T23:40:00.000-04:00

Seal says his wife is his best friend, first and foremost. "There are certain things that you may take for granted with your spouse, but there are very few things that you really take for granted with your best friend," he says. "You never really want to let your best friend down. The fundamental thing that you have for your best friend is respect. That's why I view her first as my best friend…then my wife."
-Oprah Winfrey, 10/25/07 episode on Famous Couples

I think this succinctly explains why I have not focused the attention on finding "The ONE". I see lots of happy couples, and a part of me wants that for myself. However, in my family, 3 out of 4 marriages have failed. Those odds are worse than the last time I checked the national average is one in two.

Alas, I have a number of really good friends in my life. There are a number of guys I've vacationed with over the years. There are boys around the country with whom I have flown thousands of miles to visit for a long weekend. We connect in so many ways, but there is just no je ne sais pas. Don't get me wrong, each guy is sexy in his own way -- from the physical to the mental to the emotional. But nothing seems to happen. Perhaps they are not attracted to me. Perhaps I have too many barriers.

I wonder how many other people see their spouse as a friend first and as a spouse second?

Dumbledore is GAY!

2007-10-22T16:56:00.000-04:00

I was checking my yahoo account when I saw the headline flash by. I about died! JK Rowling decided to out Dumbledore -- one of the most powerful and respected wizards of all time.

I was first shocked. Then I became angry when I read how he was outed. JK was asked the question if Dumbledore ever finds true love. And she blurts out he's gay?

Are gay men not capable of finding true love?

Perhaps she should have stated that he did fall in love once with a man, and the love was not requited. That would have sufficed. Then we would have all gasped. And perhaps she would continue with all the other teachers at Hogwarts. What about Minerva? Snapes? Flitwick?

I'm a little upset.

In Youth and In Old Age

2007-08-12T00:58:00.001-04:00

Tonight, I went to see The Color Purple on Broadway. I had not read the book nor seen the movie version staring Oprah Winfrey. Needless to say, I did not know what to expect other than American Idol winner Fantasia belching out the soulful songs in the lead role.

The show was good. The thick accents were true to the era and at times hard to understand. The acting was great!

I was struck with a central message when I left. In youth, we strive to become what we think is the proper adult situation: success in your career, a happy marriage full of kids. And in old age, we tell everyone to just kiss off and do what makes us happy: pursuing a career because of happiness, having unconventional romantic relationships.

It got me to thinking.... Am I right? I've finally found work that I enjoy, albeit, I spend way too much time there. I've stopped pursing a romantic relationship in general; instead I surround myself with a few key friends and don't really pay attention to many others around me. I am nowhere near the age of a sage, but have I really stumbled upon something this important this early in my life?

Instant Gratification

2007-07-27T00:33:00.000-04:00

What is it about instant gratification these days?

I had a most chipper conversation with a friend on the phone today about dating, courtship, and sex.

Everything is so instant these days! It's about as cheap as ramen noodles.

I on the other hand prefer things to gestate. What happened to the days when you met someone, found him interesting, made an effort to get to know him, ask him out on a date, date him a while and some time later, finally have sex? Why does it have to be instant physical attraction, sex on a the first date, and then ask questions later?

This is the reason why 2 of my close friends are having the relationship problems they now face. The initial physical attraction was fierce. The sex was earth-shattering (or rather bed-breaking). But neither really got to know each other's core values. Each other's goals in life. And now both have suffered. They're emotionally empty. Broken. Miserable.

I'm not doing much better. I'm still single. But then again, I don't feel that I've wasted the past few months and years with someone that didn't work out.

Thoughts?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

2007-07-24T00:08:00.000-04:00

Finished! I picked up a copy of the book at 12:50am from Walmart. No lines. And it was only $17.99 plus tax. The cover price was $34.99.

Between Saturday morning and Monday night, I snucked in all the reading time I could afford -- in the car on trips to the stores, bathroom breaks.

The storyline was great! And it'll make a great movie! But please we need a better director than this last movie, the Order of the Phoenix. There were a few bits that could have been edited for repetition. There were lots of references to previous books that I could have done without. And there were more references to previous parts of the same book.

Overall, a good read; a fast read!

To Undo the Ex

2007-07-12T23:51:00.000-04:00

Many years ago, I met this guy. I was not particularly attracted to him -- he had none of the features I admire in a man: blue eyes, blond hair, nerdy air. NONE.

Over the course of the next few months, we went from being mentor/mentee to being acquaintances and then best friends. And somewhere along the line, I became attracted to his quirks, his strong jawline, his panache, his cooking. I had fallen for him for all the right reasons. Time would not fade our relationship nor add pesky wrinkles. Alas, he was not out. He was not yet comfortable with himself, and certainly the idea of dating his best friend was too scary. We continued as friends, but grew increasingly more intimate. It was like a high school relationship: each coyly learning about the other's intimate side.

And then it all ended. It was not working for me nor him. We were in different places emotionally. I wanted a steady boyfriend and settle in on couple-dom. He wanted someone to show him the world and let him take detours. I was not Aladdin, and he was not the princess.

Fast forward 5 years later. We have found our way back to each other as best friends. We giggle about odd things. I still flirt with him in the most inappropriate ways at the most inane of places. We don't live in the same city anymore. We visit each other when the opportunity presents itself. We stay with each other and share a bed. And I tease him about the relationship that could have been. He could have been my Mrs and stayed at home to take care of the cooking and cleaning, and the children (all his most favorite chores).

The question is, would our relationship be better now if we got back together. Never mind the logistics of not living in the same state. But what if?

Older Men

2007-07-03T01:33:00.000-04:00

I have a thing for guys with gray hair -- just a little silver fox sliver, or the salt and pepper effect.

During the Pride Dance last week, I bumped into a guy that had the most beautiful, kind eyes, and the best salt and pepper hair. And his body, still buff!

I have to confess, I have a thing for older men. For me, it's the maturity first. I've already experienced coming out, coming to terms with being gay, and growing up in general. When I meet a man, I want him to have already go through all of that, and be mature enough to enjoy life for it's many splendid surprises. Granted, age is not the determining factor in this maturity -- I know men who are just coming out at age 40 after having been married with kids!

As geeky as it may sound, I want to date a classic liberal arts professor. He's interested in the world around him and often wonders what-if, what-may, what-was. He engages his surroundings with passion. He sees one thing and is inspired to do something about another.

Here's to finding him before too long.

When You're Hot!

2007-07-01T01:31:00.000-04:00

Seriously! I just got another raise and a small promotion.

Those of you who have been reading my blog loyally, know that my career has had it's share of roller coaster dramas. I've nearly quit. I've nearly been run out of the company. And now, I'm back, bigger, stronger, and with more pay.

The Last Sunday in June

2007-06-24T22:25:00.000-04:00

The last Sunday in June has a symbolic purpose for all LGBT Americans. This was the first time gays and lesbians in the United States rose and fought for our rights in the aftermath of the raids at Stonewall Inn. One by one, homosexuals in New York stood up and rioted for several days, demanding equality and fairness.

This Sunday, was the 38th anniversary of the riots. and in typical fashion, Heritage of Pride, held a number of celebrations from the Rally at Bryant Park to the big Parade and culminating with an outdoor pier dance. (The Street Fair was canceled this year due to political and legal issues.)

For the first time since I came out, I chose to skip all the festivities, and nearly the dance all together. I wasn't "feeling" particularly gay this year. That is not to say I'm about to join the ex-gay movement. Far from that!

This year happens to be the 10th anniversary of my coming out. Ten years! The "Gay Agenda" has come a long way since the late 90's. Sodomy is now legal. Massachusetts allows homosexual couples to marry. New Jersey has instituted Civil Unions. New York is working on some version of all this. Statistically, more kids are coming out at a younger age simply because those of us who have come out have become more and more visible -- out and proud as they say. And now, by some statistics, 70% of heterosexuals know at least 1 gay person. I work among all heterosexual women. I'm glad I'm contributing to this statistic.

What is the status of my personal agenda? I'm more comfortable in my own skin than when I first came out. I remember the days when I didn't want to talk about it with friends -- rather I kept two sets and hoped that neither would meet the other. Then I progressed to making sure I told everyone. Now, I'm just me, and I don't really care if you know or you don't. I'm simple out and proud but not loud about my sexuality. I find it to be a turn off actually when someone is too loud about being gay -- after all, the heterosexuals are usually not loud about it. And I'm generally not very loud about my ethnicity either -- at least I'm following a pattern. I'm still single. Sure I've dated, but I haven't found anyone that I can see myself settling down with "until death do us part". Finding the one has not been a priority.

I also think a part of me is becoming disenfranchised with the gay establishment in part. The whole community is very physical. It's all about how cute is your face, and how hot is your body. It's all about the alcohol -- there are few venues to meet other gays outside of the bars. It's about sex and how high of a body count you can have. Perhaps part of the problem is that all my friends here in New York are gay. I never leave the "gay life". And having a gay sibling does not help either. I may need a break.

Happy Pride everyone.

Let the Pride Begin

2007-06-01T23:06:00.000-04:00

June is the month of gay pride as much as February is the month of Black History.

June is the month of the Gemini -- twins with dual personalities that are like Jekyll and Hyde. That about describes the gay man. He can be a blend of a good breadwinner and a great homemaker. He is yin and yang swirled together. He is charming yet bitchy. He can swish down the catwalk, but can strut right into the end zone.

June is the month the TONY's are handed out. How appropriate that Broadway gives out it's highest honor this month? We may joke that liking the theatre is an obviously gay trait, but it's so true!

June is when Broadway Cares puts on their most scandalous fund raiser. For all intensive purposes, this event kicks off the Pride festivities. You could argue that it's the Rally in Bryant Park. But this is my blog, and well this event kicks it off for me.

June is when Heritage of Pride throws the annual Pride festivities including a rally, parade, dance, and street fest.

And in the middle of all this gayness is the annual Puerto Rican Pride Parade. The irony here is that Latinos are not very accepting of homosexuals -- perhaps even more so than Republicans. And the parade is perhaps the most unloved in the City. Year after year, residences along the parade route board up their windows and businesses close for the day. It's such a problem that local new channels cover the story and interview disgruntled businesses and doorman buildings along the route. And I have to say, I've walked the aftermath of the parade in years past, and the trash left after the parade is much worse than the gay pride one. Perhaps the big difference is that the Gay Pride one occurs through the neighborhoods that are most gay concentrated where as the Puerto Rican Pride is not. It's just an observation and is not meant to be bigoted in any way (just my observations).

Let the pride begin!

More Closets on Brothers and Sisters

2007-05-20T23:25:00.000-04:00

And just when we thought that ABC's Brothers and Sisters had just revealed enough we find out Uncle Saul is GAY!!!!!!

Can we add another closet to the Walker Mansion please? In may ways, this could be the new Dynasty minus the terrible 80's big hair and mansize shoulder pads. I mean we already have a half sister trying to steal the other's husband. We already have a mother who's a home-wrecker who has a daughter prone to doing the same. And of course who could forget the professor who made out with both of the matriarchs? And making out with a gay Minister? And now Saul is gay, or at least bi!

Really folks, I need to confront my closeted gay uncle so we can talk about this! There's always a gay uncle somewhere in the family.

I'm so excited for season 2!

The Joy of Family

2007-04-15T20:46:00.000-04:00

Lately, I've been thinking more and more about family. What it means; why mine wasn't bigger; and when the heck I'm going to start mine. The episodes of Brothers and Sisters had set this off. But also my coming birthday has been a part of this impetus.

I've written previously about having a larger family -- more siblings to consult with and pass the parents of to when times become a little rough. In the coming weeks, I will be on the edge of 30. When my parents were my age, they had already produced 2 children and were working on a third. Most of my aunts and uncles also had produced their first by then. And as I keep thinking about it, the longer I wait, the old I'm going to be when they move off to college and become adults themselves. Part of me wants to be around when they mature -- to see the culmination of my work in raising them.

It looks like Cooper over at Cooper's Corridor has beat me to the punch. He mentioned contemplating something in an earlier post and well in this post, he let's the news drop like an unplanned pregnancy -- well at least that's how I felt. I am so excited for him! We don't know very much about the details of the adoption or how long he had been looking. Congrats and best wishes Cooper!

I'm not sure I can be as brave as Cooper and adopt now. I'm still chasing a career. I'm still single. I don't have much time for myself let alone others. (This would explain the single state also.) Perhaps in a year or two when things settle down a bit, and I've moved out of New York. Manhattan is no place to raise a child on your own. The cost of living is too high and while the experience may be rich for adults in the urban playground, I want something a little more traditional for my kids like grass, trees, and babbling brooks.

Blue Skies

2007-03-14T21:20:00.000-04:00

The weather in NY is still a little weird. Winter never really came, and well, Spring is struggling to arrive. It's the purgatory of all weather patterns. My shearling still hangs in the closet untouched this season.

The work situation is now resolved. Management has decided that I should go to a different area of the company. It's a lateral move. I'm beyond excited! Control Freak can just go and do whatever it is she does.

For now the storm has passed. Blue skies are beginning to appear. Let's hope there are no more rainy days in the forecast.

Control Freaks Let Go

2007-02-14T00:06:00.000-05:00

Today, I was perhaps confronted with a most delicate situation. My business partner went ballistic at me for "usurping" her authority and control. I did no such thing. But boy did I get an earful.

Perhaps to understand this situation, you must first understand the management structure in this relationship. I'm the financials part of the relationship and my responsibilities consist mostly of the analytical variety. My partner is the public face of our business. She mainly negotiates our deals. On most all decisions, she and I must agree or come to some sort of compromise before we can execute it, or one of us must defer to the other.

However, today she told me loud and clear that she was in charge, and that I was under no authority to take control, direct, or in any way make any decisions without clearing it with her. Period. And how dare I try to take control. It was as if this was a hostile take over.

In any case, I was very dumstruck by the whole altercation and immediately informed my superiors that we have a problem. Where upon they called her and then she yelled at me for having informed them of the altercation.

All this leads me to reconsider my role, my career, and where I want to go with all of this. This promotion was a mistake.

16 Hours, 7 Days, 16 weeks

2007-01-28T03:08:00.000-05:00

That's right, that's the numbers of hours I've worked each day this past week followed by the number of days I've worked this week, followed by the number of weeks this is going to be going on for continuously. THAT'S CRAZY!

But then this is the price of that mid-career crisis come promotion. Only about four more weeks before this madness ends. And I'm hoping to make it until then.

Oh why, oh why did I take the promotion?

Brothers and Sisters

2007-01-21T23:45:00.000-05:00

ABC has a new series called Brothers & Sisters. I had largely ignored the show when it first started, but then word got out that one of the lead characters is gay, and his potential boyfriend was just HOT, I figured why not watch for the eye candy. But now I'm hooked.

The show is great! And watching tonight's drama unfold, I wished that my parents would have had more children. There is just myself and my baby brother. We're both gay. It's not a bad thing -- I think it's kinda lucky of us to have each other for support in that sense. But I wish we could have had a few more. (Yes, we could have had a 3rd sibling, but there was a miscarriage.)

In some senses, it would be fun to have another sibling to banter. It would be fun to have another sibling living in a totally different city to visit. It would be great to be able to move around the "parental care" responsibilities among three siblings.

I look at my father and his 3 sisters and sometimes wonder what it was like for him to have 3 sisters to communicate with when things get tough. But he's your classic alpha male -- quiet with bottled-up emotions. I look at my mother and her 6 siblings and their house-full of kids. She speaks to them all the time. I can certainly see which ones she gets along with when they are all together at the family reunions. And sometimes, I wonder if I would have enjoyed that experience. Don't get me wrong; I like the baby bro just fine, but what if...

Well it's too late for Mom to have any more kids. She's hit menopause. Yep, I had the misfortune of having to discuss life after menopause with her a few months past. Afterall, she has no daughters to talk to, and she doesn't visit the doctor regularly. In some ways, I'm glad that she and I can have that sort of intimate conversation. Now I am just waiting for my father to have the ED or prostate exam conversation with me. I mean why not? We're family and well my brother just gets squeemish when it comes to those topics.

As for me, do I want kids? Initially, I had the idea that I would perhaps have 1 or 2 children if my future husband wanted them. I love kids, but I know the responsibilities, and I know I'm not ready for them. Two would be the perfect number, enough to replace us when we're gone and not add to the population explosion. But now, I'm beginning to wonder if 2 is a mistake. I mean if you're going to dedicate your life to building a family with kids, you might as well leave them with a big network of family with which to draw their support when we're gone and also the ability to spread the responsibility of our care in the twilight years.

It's a tough question.

On New Years Resolutions

2007-01-14T00:03:00.000-05:00

So I made the resolutions. And well I've made a few small dents.

1. Plastic Surgery. Nothing yet. I haven't looked into it.
2. Lose Body Fat. I've made it back to the gym exactly once since the New Year. I chuck it up to being very busy at work and overly stressed out. I've already called out sick 1 day because I was too stressed and the body just shut down. No it's not a nervous breakdown. I just need sleep, and to take work off the mind.
3. Swim instructor. I haven't even gone to look for one just yet. I did interview one a while back, and well he was okay.
4. Patience. I'm making progress. But I think I'm getting stressed out because I'm bottling my emotions.
5. Clutter. It's still here. And collecting dust.
6. Save up for a house. I've started socking away a little more money each month. And I've started looking into various stock investment opportunities, taking into account Warren Buffet's investment advice: Invest in things that people still need in a down economy, like groceries.
7. Dating. I've looked folks. And it's a sad scene out there. Match.com has been doing a series of TV commercials regarding their look for free initiative. And well I've spotted maybe one person I think there might be something there. Craiglists is not working out. I've emailed a few folks that seems interesting and despite what they say, it really does all come down to physical attraction. So back up to numbers 1 and 2 before this one can happen.

Happy New Year

2007-01-01T00:36:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year!

Exactly one year ago today, I started this blog hoping to be provide some discourse on all things. But somehow, life got a hold of me and well the postings were sporadic and so wide in scope that really no audience ever developed. So in the new year, I'll try to post more often, and on topics of interest to someone -- I don't know what that topic is just yet.

Other resolutions for the new year:
1. Plastic surgery. That's right folks, I've been thinking about having some work done to remove the scars on my face and make it look a little more youthful. Being gay and average looking is tough!
2. Lose some bodyfat. That's right folks, you didn't hear the word weight. I gain muscle very easily, but I need to lose about 2 inches off my waist and an 1 or so off the chest.
3. Get a swim instructor. It's more or less to achieve number 2 and also to finally learn how to swim properly.
4. Become more patient. I've come a long way since last year, but there is still more work to be done.
5. Get rid of the clutter. Okay, I'm a pack rat. I have things from 1996 that are still packed in boxes and have moved with me to 3 different cities and 6 different apartments. Do I really need the Mardi Gras beads from 1998. Yes, it's full of memories! And that date book planner from 1998. Do I really need it anymore? I'm sure none of those phone numbers really work anymore. It's emotional to let go. We'll see how far that goes.
6. Save up for a house. The market doesn't look any better this year, but I ginally make enough now to save up for a house, and I should start!
7. Hit the dating circuit again. This one was a tough one to put on this list. For 2 years, I've focused on my career and haven't really dated anyone. I'm also a commitment phoebe. It's a low priority. And notice it does not state find a boyfriend or settle down. But I think number 1 should go first, it'll help this one along.

So long for now.

On Weddings

2006-10-15T19:16:00.000-04:00

The wedding.

A few weekends back, I attended my dear cousin C's wedding. We're not very close, but I flew two thousand miles to attend because I hadn't seen that side of the family in over 18 months. I miss my other cousins -- many of them are in their late adolescences and seeing them develop into young adults was very pleasing. Over the years, I've only lived a handful of days with each one, but we exchange emails and phone calls on occassion, so I really cherish the time I get with them. I only have one sibling, so my interaction with them fills desire that my parents would have had more children.

The flight was delayed a few hours, so the Friday night festivities were laid aside. The ceremony was 9am the next morning and my plane did not arrive until 3am -- a full 5 hours after the scheduled time. During the lull between the morning ceremony and the evening reception, all the boys and I went out for male-bonding time. That's right, just the boys. There aren't that many of us to begin with -- cousins A & J are the only two males among a score of women. So we did what boys did best: drink, curse, and play video games for 5 hours straight. We got so into it that all three of us were late to the reception (barely making it in time for the family photos). During most of the night, the three of us simply goofed off and enjoyed the company of the rest of the girls. And of course, the invitable came up: when will I have a wedding so that all the relatives can fly south and see my family homestead (They still have this vision of my growing up on a ranch and riding horses.). My answer: never.

The way I see it weddings are a waste of money. It's more of a social status. Everyone wants to out-do the person before with better decor, outfits, food, drinks, flowers. And of course the size of the guest list. I've already done a quick count: 305 (and growing) just for my blood relatives alone. Where will I find room for friends, my partner's family, and his friends? Any honestly, with so many guests, can you really get to interact with everyone?

So here's my game plan if I ever get to have a wedding. Location: rent out an entire exotic island for 1 week. Decor: island casual, no gowns, no tux, no shoes, and heck, maybe no shirts (but yes to the pants for obvious reasons). Food: everything from the ocean and the garden. Why? This will limit the number of guests to just couples, no kids (this is key -- they make weddings messy), and only folks who can afford to fly away for a whole week (I'll house you on the island in huts for free.). And since this is a beach wedding, hopefully no one will have to fuss over a new and expensive evening get-up. We'll be in white board shorts (and if the torso holds up, no shirt!) -- let's hope the future partner agrees to this wardrobe choice. And the food, well it's an exotic island, so the seafood should be cheap and fresh, and the fruits should be abudant and in season.

And best of all, we save money on the honeymoon. No one will be able to hear us from our remote lover's suite -- I'm not a screamer, and if he is, I'm throwing a pillow over his face.

Mid-Career Crisis Averted

2006-09-10T12:09:00.000-04:00

It's averted! I've been promoted.

Yes, I'm a little bit nervous. Is it the right job? For now, yes. I still very much enjoy this line of work. There will certainly be new challenges. And for the Alpha-male in me, he thrives on challenges.

Are there concerns? Certainly.

Chief among those concerns: This is a niche job, will I be pigeon-holed into this role forever? It's a huge step up, so what happens if this job is too senior for me? Next steps -- where will I go from here?

Wish me luck.

Mid-Career Crisis, part 2

2006-08-27T01:01:00.000-04:00

Well, it looks like for the time being, I am in the RIGHT career.

I'm under consideration for a promotion. I have been eyeing this job for a while since I've gotten comfortable with the current position and wanted some new challenges to keep me engaged (This sounds a little contradictorary to the previous post, but then again, I'm sorta clueless as to what I really want.). I've been working the networks and contacts like crazy to make sure that my name does come up for consideration and it looks like senior management has caught on! One point for me.

What does this new job mean? I'll be doing the same thing I am now, except it's a bigger area of responsibility with a completely different team in a whole new product category. And yes, it does come with a heftier paycheck.

Stay tuned.

Mid-Career Crisis

2006-08-13T21:16:00.000-04:00

Am I in the right career?

This past weekend, I visited with a friend in another city. He's a photographer by training and a newspaper art director by trade. He's in between jobs right now, and we got to talking about his new direction. And somewhere in the midst of our conversation, I had a moment of crisis: Am I in the right career? I'm not certain.

What do I enjoy about my job now? It's art-related. It's finance-related. It's business-related. And I like the folks I work with. And lastest, the job is conformtable -- that is to say that I get a regular, dependable paycheck and medical benefits.

But could I like going back to the arts a bit more and hanging out my own shingle? It's too uncertain for me at the moment. For the moment though, it looks like I can quell the curiosity by taking back some of the arts and seeing where it goes.

To see the Ex or to not see the Ex

2006-07-15T22:14:00.000-04:00

Recently a friend of mine came to "visit" me. That is to say, his ex from a few years back happened to be in my town, and he came to see her.

Ordinarily, I would have no objections. I still see one of my exes -- we've remained good friends after an initial moment of silence (what else but to mourn the death of our dating life). But this one takes the cake.

HE'S ENGAGED! That's right folks. The "woman of his dreams" has moved in with him and the two will wed in a year's time. The fiancè did object to the visit, but he did it anyway. The last minute airfare was not cheap.

The result of their visit? He was still madly in love with her. In fact, they "picked up right where it was left off" more than five years ago. To wit, I must question how much he loves his financè and why is he not with this other girl?

Relationships are very confusing. The head wants one thing and heart wants what it wants.

"You Are What You Want"

2006-01-16T22:27:00.000-05:00

In this month's Genre, Tray Butler writes:

Maybe we are what we want? It seemed too silly to be so profound. But I also thought it cut to the quick of one particular truth about gay men, and one we don’t particularly like to face. Too many times when a dude turns out to be a dud, it’s not because of who he is. It’s because of who he isn’t. He’s not the person you thought he was when your eyes met across the bar, or he’s not the smokin’ hot papi his online profile and pics made him out to be. But worst of all: He’s not you.

My friend Arthur confessed to me then that he wasn’t sure he could ever find his soul mate, and he knew why. He had an all-too-clear image of the person he wanted to be with: Someone of about the same build as him, with the same interests and a similar childhood. In short, Arthur wanted to date Arthur. It wasn’t vanity talking, it was a cry for companionship.

Butler is dead on!

I have often thought about the man I want. He should be tallish. He should have a smart IQ in the classroom, in the kitchen, in the bedroom, and out on the streets. He should be kind-hearted. He should like to take risks. He should feel at home whether attending a lecture on the lastest genetic studies or this season's hottest looks. He should have passion for something and yet be able to spend a carefree week in some exotic third world country without a blackberry, a cell phone, or the internet -- and yes, we're gonna catch our own food. And you know what, that's me.

I'm tallish, for an asian guy. I'm one of those classica liberal arts guys who has a zen for cooking, a love for creature comforts, and a certain ego for price haggling. My heart goes out to the homeless, and who knows occassionally, you can find me building homes for Habitat for Humanity or ladelling soup at a church basement. In general, I like to help others -- did I mention I get a certain nostalgia from being a mentor? My interests are so diverse that sometimes I wonder if I've got multiple personality disorder. I've been dreaming of running off somewhere -- backpacking around the world and living on the cheap. I want to open my eyes to what this world has to teach, and what I can possibly learn.

I am what I want. Now who wants me?

For now though, I'm content with being single. It's too much trouble playing the dating game. As Butler later goes on to say, it's a zero sum game. And well, I'm good at math but that's not math I want to compute.

We Want the Same Things

2006-01-05T02:45:00.000-05:00

Tonight, I spent about a good hour looking through Match.com's listing of single gay men ages 25-35.

We all want the same darn thing. But by the looks of the amount of men just in the NY metro area, no one seems to deliver what they're looking for in their ideal mate. The irony of all this is that every man actually claims to deliver the exact ideal for which they seek. So why are there 45 pages of single men in Manhattan?

Good question. Answers: 1)Men are very visual. Finding that perfect visual stimulant is not easy; 2) That spark. Many men started dating other men so late, that well, dating is a rather ackward exercise; 3) Not everyone wants something serious. Let me expound.

While many men claim to be open to different body types, looks, builds, etc -- let's be serious, who wants to date a man that's been hit by the ugly stick? Beauty is very subjective, but we'd be foolish not to agree that there is some universal standard of an adonis versus an elephant man. And since men are by nature more visually stimulated and less emotionally driven (although there are those of us out there known for our dramatic antics), visual attraction is by far the most important factor and don't let anyone tell you any different.

I find that most gay men are very ackward when it comes to dating other men. Perhaps my friend B is the best example. He's in his mid-30s and have "dated" dozens of men. He's had sexual relationships with every one of them -- and from past experience, if there was no sex on the first date, there'd be no second. And the reason why he's stopped seeing any of them? The sex was not exciting. There was simply no "spark".

Even when we say we're looking for something serious we're not. Really. Every gay man that I know is constantly checking out others. And while looking is okay, they're not looking. No less than 4 friends who are all in "serious" relationships have confided in me that they'd "upgrade" given the chance. That's not a sign of a serious relationship.

And the reason why I'm single? I want what all those men on match.com want. Am I ready to deliver to others what I want? No, not really. It's easier being single.

Liquid Ice

2006-01-01T21:11:00.000-05:00

It's been a little crazy at the apartment lately with holiday visitors.

At noon today, I got up from the New Years Eve revalry to find the ice trays in the freezer in a liquid state. Well I had assumed that when the boys got up this morning to go to the Victor Caldarone party, they must have had some pre-party drinks.

At 4pm, I was preparing to make a cocktail to ease the aching body. The ice in the freezer was still water! I thought maybe the refrigerator was broken. But no, the light was still working and the ice cream in the freezer hadn't melted. I sniffed the water -- yes, I sniffed it. And then understood why it was still water. Someone had poured vodka into the ice trays, VODKA!

The new year is getting off to a splendid start for my alchy roommate. Happy New Year!

In the beginning

2006-01-01T00:02:00.000-05:00

It is a new year.

I have been a blog-o-sphere observer. I have read. I have commented. I have teased. I have critiqued. I have defended.

Naturally, I wanted to create one of my own. But for what purpose? Did I have anything interesting to say? Is my writing up to snuff? Who would be interested in my ramblings?

And at the seventh moment, I found the purpose: to discuss the big questions of love, life, lust, loneliness, Lords, and other things beginnging with the letter "L".

Questions will be answered and answers will be questioned. The format will grow and change. But the pensive ruminations will continue the same.