We Want the Same Things
Tonight, I spent about a good hour looking through Match.com's listing of single gay men ages 25-35.
We all want the same darn thing. But by the looks of the amount of men just in the NY metro area, no one seems to deliver what they're looking for in their ideal mate. The irony of all this is that every man actually claims to deliver the exact ideal for which they seek. So why are there 45 pages of single men in Manhattan?
Good question. Answers: 1)Men are very visual. Finding that perfect visual stimulant is not easy; 2) That spark. Many men started dating other men so late, that well, dating is a rather ackward exercise; 3) Not everyone wants something serious. Let me expound.
While many men claim to be open to different body types, looks, builds, etc -- let's be serious, who wants to date a man that's been hit by the ugly stick? Beauty is very subjective, but we'd be foolish not to agree that there is some universal standard of an adonis versus an elephant man. And since men are by nature more visually stimulated and less emotionally driven (although there are those of us out there known for our dramatic antics), visual attraction is by far the most important factor and don't let anyone tell you any different.
I find that most gay men are very ackward when it comes to dating other men. Perhaps my friend B is the best example. He's in his mid-30s and have "dated" dozens of men. He's had sexual relationships with every one of them -- and from past experience, if there was no sex on the first date, there'd be no second. And the reason why he's stopped seeing any of them? The sex was not exciting. There was simply no "spark".
Even when we say we're looking for something serious we're not. Really. Every gay man that I know is constantly checking out others. And while looking is okay, they're not looking. No less than 4 friends who are all in "serious" relationships have confided in me that they'd "upgrade" given the chance. That's not a sign of a serious relationship.
And the reason why I'm single? I want what all those men on match.com want. Am I ready to deliver to others what I want? No, not really. It's easier being single.
We all want the same darn thing. But by the looks of the amount of men just in the NY metro area, no one seems to deliver what they're looking for in their ideal mate. The irony of all this is that every man actually claims to deliver the exact ideal for which they seek. So why are there 45 pages of single men in Manhattan?
Good question. Answers: 1)Men are very visual. Finding that perfect visual stimulant is not easy; 2) That spark. Many men started dating other men so late, that well, dating is a rather ackward exercise; 3) Not everyone wants something serious. Let me expound.
While many men claim to be open to different body types, looks, builds, etc -- let's be serious, who wants to date a man that's been hit by the ugly stick? Beauty is very subjective, but we'd be foolish not to agree that there is some universal standard of an adonis versus an elephant man. And since men are by nature more visually stimulated and less emotionally driven (although there are those of us out there known for our dramatic antics), visual attraction is by far the most important factor and don't let anyone tell you any different.
I find that most gay men are very ackward when it comes to dating other men. Perhaps my friend B is the best example. He's in his mid-30s and have "dated" dozens of men. He's had sexual relationships with every one of them -- and from past experience, if there was no sex on the first date, there'd be no second. And the reason why he's stopped seeing any of them? The sex was not exciting. There was simply no "spark".
Even when we say we're looking for something serious we're not. Really. Every gay man that I know is constantly checking out others. And while looking is okay, they're not looking. No less than 4 friends who are all in "serious" relationships have confided in me that they'd "upgrade" given the chance. That's not a sign of a serious relationship.
And the reason why I'm single? I want what all those men on match.com want. Am I ready to deliver to others what I want? No, not really. It's easier being single.
posted by Clue Lessness at 2:45 AM
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