"You Are What You Want"

In this month's Genre, Tray Butler writes:

Maybe we are what we want? It seemed too silly to be so profound. But I also thought it cut to the quick of one particular truth about gay men, and one we don’t particularly like to face. Too many times when a dude turns out to be a dud, it’s not because of who he is. It’s because of who he isn’t. He’s not the person you thought he was when your eyes met across the bar, or he’s not the smokin’ hot papi his online profile and pics made him out to be. But worst of all: He’s not you.

My friend Arthur confessed to me then that he wasn’t sure he could ever find his soul mate, and he knew why. He had an all-too-clear image of the person he wanted to be with: Someone of about the same build as him, with the same interests and a similar childhood. In short, Arthur wanted to date Arthur. It wasn’t vanity talking, it was a cry for companionship.

Butler is dead on!

I have often thought about the man I want. He should be tallish. He should have a smart IQ in the classroom, in the kitchen, in the bedroom, and out on the streets. He should be kind-hearted. He should like to take risks. He should feel at home whether attending a lecture on the lastest genetic studies or this season's hottest looks. He should have passion for something and yet be able to spend a carefree week in some exotic third world country without a blackberry, a cell phone, or the internet -- and yes, we're gonna catch our own food. And you know what, that's me.

I'm tallish, for an asian guy. I'm one of those classica liberal arts guys who has a zen for cooking, a love for creature comforts, and a certain ego for price haggling. My heart goes out to the homeless, and who knows occassionally, you can find me building homes for Habitat for Humanity or ladelling soup at a church basement. In general, I like to help others -- did I mention I get a certain nostalgia from being a mentor? My interests are so diverse that sometimes I wonder if I've got multiple personality disorder. I've been dreaming of running off somewhere -- backpacking around the world and living on the cheap. I want to open my eyes to what this world has to teach, and what I can possibly learn.

I am what I want. Now who wants me?

For now though, I'm content with being single. It's too much trouble playing the dating game. As Butler later goes on to say, it's a zero sum game. And well, I'm good at math but that's not math I want to compute.