Happy New Year
So this blog is now two years old.
I had started it initially when on New Years Day 2006, I found vodka frozen in my ice cube tray courtesy of my drunken, drugged out roommate who was literally drinking and pissing away his inheritance. It was my way of keeping track of my musing along the way -- he often made me laugh about how carefree his life was: eat, sleep, drink, fuck, snort, poop, peep.
In the two years, I've moved on. I've focused on my work. And that's about it. Am I any happier today than two years ago. No.
Truth be told, I'm feeling a little lonely this City of millions of people. I haven't connected as often with people as I've liked. No the City has not swallowed me and spit me back up. I consider myself one of the lucky ones. I've know so many people who have come here and not made either professionally or personally. I'd like to think that I've made it professionally. I'm at a point in my career where I can feel I can plateau and wait for a while. There is not another rung to be climbed -- more like mini steps to build.
On a personal note, I'm still single but I have a small core group of guys I hang out with and am content when I am with them. We keep ourselves entertained and engaged, and we've vacationed together. Would I be happier if I were dating? I'm not sure. I've seen so many relationships fail, I really don't want to participate in this losing battle.
What a downer of a thought for the New Year? Afterall, I am sitting here on the verge of a new year alone, avoiding the crowds and the drunken mess because I wanted to reflect for a minute what I want to do with my life.
There is so much to contemplate for the coming year. 1) Do I really want to go back for a masters? 2) Can I really focus on my body and my looks? 3) Do I want to leave NY? 4) Where will I end up next?
I've thought about school often lately. I fancy myself an academic, studying the theories of things that are and what may be. And often, I have seen myself teaching at the collegiate level. As they say, those who can do, and those who can't teach. But for me, I've done it. I think I'm tired now and I want to teach. But first, a masters is in order.
I've tried before trying to refocus on making my body more fit. It always fails. I always find excuses. But this year, I've earmarked money in my flex spending account to get a little skin resurfacing done, to get Lasik for my eyes, and perhaps, just perhaps a little lipo for the problem areas. That money is gone unless I spend it. Hopefully, it will give me the courage to go out there and do it.
When I moved to the City many years ago, it was supposed to be a temporary thing: to get NY out of the system. Years later, I've overstayed my intentions. The City has drawn me in like an addiction. There are so many things I love about NY, but there are so many that hate about it at the same time. Hate is such a strong word, but there are parts of the City experience that still makes me sick to my stomach. I want to move back.
But that now begs the question of where I want to be. Do I go back with my parents and start my own business? It is a leap of faith into total darkness. I have no idea what kind of business I want to be in nor if I can generate a stable income from that. I have often thought about the West Coast where I often feel more at home. But again, I'm not certain what type of job I would like to pursue there and for how long.
Oh so many things to think about in the coming months!
I had started it initially when on New Years Day 2006, I found vodka frozen in my ice cube tray courtesy of my drunken, drugged out roommate who was literally drinking and pissing away his inheritance. It was my way of keeping track of my musing along the way -- he often made me laugh about how carefree his life was: eat, sleep, drink, fuck, snort, poop, peep.
In the two years, I've moved on. I've focused on my work. And that's about it. Am I any happier today than two years ago. No.
Truth be told, I'm feeling a little lonely this City of millions of people. I haven't connected as often with people as I've liked. No the City has not swallowed me and spit me back up. I consider myself one of the lucky ones. I've know so many people who have come here and not made either professionally or personally. I'd like to think that I've made it professionally. I'm at a point in my career where I can feel I can plateau and wait for a while. There is not another rung to be climbed -- more like mini steps to build.
On a personal note, I'm still single but I have a small core group of guys I hang out with and am content when I am with them. We keep ourselves entertained and engaged, and we've vacationed together. Would I be happier if I were dating? I'm not sure. I've seen so many relationships fail, I really don't want to participate in this losing battle.
What a downer of a thought for the New Year? Afterall, I am sitting here on the verge of a new year alone, avoiding the crowds and the drunken mess because I wanted to reflect for a minute what I want to do with my life.
There is so much to contemplate for the coming year. 1) Do I really want to go back for a masters? 2) Can I really focus on my body and my looks? 3) Do I want to leave NY? 4) Where will I end up next?
I've thought about school often lately. I fancy myself an academic, studying the theories of things that are and what may be. And often, I have seen myself teaching at the collegiate level. As they say, those who can do, and those who can't teach. But for me, I've done it. I think I'm tired now and I want to teach. But first, a masters is in order.
I've tried before trying to refocus on making my body more fit. It always fails. I always find excuses. But this year, I've earmarked money in my flex spending account to get a little skin resurfacing done, to get Lasik for my eyes, and perhaps, just perhaps a little lipo for the problem areas. That money is gone unless I spend it. Hopefully, it will give me the courage to go out there and do it.
When I moved to the City many years ago, it was supposed to be a temporary thing: to get NY out of the system. Years later, I've overstayed my intentions. The City has drawn me in like an addiction. There are so many things I love about NY, but there are so many that hate about it at the same time. Hate is such a strong word, but there are parts of the City experience that still makes me sick to my stomach. I want to move back.
But that now begs the question of where I want to be. Do I go back with my parents and start my own business? It is a leap of faith into total darkness. I have no idea what kind of business I want to be in nor if I can generate a stable income from that. I have often thought about the West Coast where I often feel more at home. But again, I'm not certain what type of job I would like to pursue there and for how long.
Oh so many things to think about in the coming months!
posted by Clue Lessness at 1:51 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home