Monday, January 16, 2006

"You Are What You Want"

In this month's Genre, Tray Butler writes:
Maybe we are what we want? It seemed too silly to be so profound. But I also thought it cut to the quick of one particular truth about gay men, and one we don’t particularly like to face. Too many times when a dude turns out to be a dud, it’s not because of who he is. It’s because of who he isn’t. He’s not the person you thought he was when your eyes met across the bar, or he’s not the smokin’ hot papi his online profile and pics made him out to be. But worst of all: He’s not you.

My friend Arthur confessed to me then that he wasn’t sure he could ever find his soul mate, and he knew why. He had an all-too-clear image of the person he wanted to be with: Someone of about the same build as him, with the same interests and a similar childhood. In short, Arthur wanted to date Arthur. It wasn’t vanity talking, it was a cry for companionship.
Butler is dead on!

I have often thought about the man I want. He should be tallish. He should have a smart IQ in the classroom, in the kitchen, in the bedroom, and out on the streets. He should be kind-hearted. He should like to take risks. He should feel at home whether attending a lecture on the lastest genetic studies or this season's hottest looks. He should have passion for something and yet be able to spend a carefree week in some exotic third world country without a blackberry, a cell phone, or the internet -- and yes, we're gonna catch our own food. And you know what, that's me.

I'm tallish, for an asian guy. I'm one of those classica liberal arts guys who has a zen for cooking, a love for creature comforts, and a certain ego for price haggling. My heart goes out to the homeless, and who knows occassionally, you can find me building homes for Habitat for Humanity or ladelling soup at a church basement. In general, I like to help others -- did I mention I get a certain nostalgia from being a mentor? My interests are so diverse that sometimes I wonder if I've got multiple personality disorder. I've been dreaming of running off somewhere -- backpacking around the world and living on the cheap. I want to open my eyes to what this world has to teach, and what I can possibly learn.

I am what I want. Now who wants me?

For now though, I'm content with being single. It's too much trouble playing the dating game. As Butler later goes on to say, it's a zero sum game. And well, I'm good at math but that's not math I want to compute.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

We Want the Same Things

Tonight, I spent about a good hour looking through Match.com's listing of single gay men ages 25-35.

We all want the same darn thing. But by the looks of the amount of men just in the NY metro area, no one seems to deliver what they're looking for in their ideal mate. The irony of all this is that every man actually claims to deliver the exact ideal for which they seek. So why are there 45 pages of single men in Manhattan?

Good question. Answers: 1)Men are very visual. Finding that perfect visual stimulant is not easy; 2) That spark. Many men started dating other men so late, that well, dating is a rather ackward exercise; 3) Not everyone wants something serious. Let me expound.

While many men claim to be open to different body types, looks, builds, etc -- let's be serious, who wants to date a man that's been hit by the ugly stick? Beauty is very subjective, but we'd be foolish not to agree that there is some universal standard of an adonis versus an elephant man. And since men are by nature more visually stimulated and less emotionally driven (although there are those of us out there known for our dramatic antics), visual attraction is by far the most important factor and don't let anyone tell you any different.

I find that most gay men are very ackward when it comes to dating other men. Perhaps my friend B is the best example. He's in his mid-30s and have "dated" dozens of men. He's had sexual relationships with every one of them -- and from past experience, if there was no sex on the first date, there'd be no second. And the reason why he's stopped seeing any of them? The sex was not exciting. There was simply no "spark".

Even when we say we're looking for something serious we're not. Really. Every gay man that I know is constantly checking out others. And while looking is okay, they're not looking. No less than 4 friends who are all in "serious" relationships have confided in me that they'd "upgrade" given the chance. That's not a sign of a serious relationship.

And the reason why I'm single? I want what all those men on match.com want. Am I ready to deliver to others what I want? No, not really. It's easier being single.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Liquid Ice

It's been a little crazy at the apartment lately with holiday visitors.

At noon today, I got up from the New Years Eve revalry to find the ice trays in the freezer in a liquid state. Well I had assumed that when the boys got up this morning to go to the Victor Caldarone party, they must have had some pre-party drinks.

At 4pm, I was preparing to make a cocktail to ease the aching body. The ice in the freezer was still water! I thought maybe the refrigerator was broken. But no, the light was still working and the ice cream in the freezer hadn't melted. I sniffed the water -- yes, I sniffed it. And then understood why it was still water. Someone had poured vodka into the ice trays, VODKA!


The new year is getting off to a splendid start for my alchy roommate. Happy New Year!

In the beginning

It is a new year.

I have been a blog-o-sphere observer. I have read. I have commented. I have teased. I have critiqued. I have defended.

Naturally, I wanted to create one of my own. But for what purpose? Did I have anything interesting to say? Is my writing up to snuff? Who would be interested in my ramblings?

And at the seventh moment, I found the purpose: to discuss the big questions of love, life, lust, loneliness, Lords, and other things beginnging with the letter "L".

Questions will be answered and answers will be questioned. The format will grow and change. But the pensive ruminations will continue the same.